Understanding and Getting Through Grief - Part II

Three types of Grief

1.     Insufficient Grief

Sometimes a person may express very little grief at the death of a loved one because they are able to rationally accept the death. David did this at the death of his baby son.

19David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead." 20Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. 21His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!" 22He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, `Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me" (2 Samuel 12:19-23).

2.     Normal Grief

It is normal to cry and express deep sorrow upon hearing of the death of loved ones. David cried aloud upon hearing that Saul and Jonathan were dead.

11Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. 12They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword (1 Samuel 2:11-12).

3.     Pathological Grief

Pathological grief is excessive and unhealthy and can lead to desire for death and even suicide. David experienced this type of grief at the death of his son Absalom. 

33The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you--O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Samuel 18:33)

Jesus our Savior was a man familiar with suffering and grief. In our time of grief we must turn to Him knowing that He will help us carry our sorrows and in time turn our grief into joy. "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted" (Isaiah 53:3-4). 

Pastor Earl